Appointments, Christmas and Haircuts, OH MY!

So after calling my doctor's office (MYSELF!), I finally have an appointment with the specialist. It is December 15th at 9:00 am, BUT they set me up with some doc named Dr. Viashniv - he's a partner of Dr. Kausaukis. I was kind of aggravated about that at first - they said that Dr. K didn't have any appointments open until the beginning of February. Well, I looked Dr. V up on the web, and he seems to be just as good qualification-wise as Dr. K. He's also a MS Specialist who is involved in research, so I'm OK with seeing him...I guess.

So here are some of the pictures that I promised. We'll start with pictures of the girls' haircuts - Maddie's 3rd and Mackenzie's 1st.

First, this is Maddie after she got her hair cut and styled. She looks like a little woman: *sob*
This is Mackenzie starting out her haircut...not quite sure about what's going on:
I had to post this picture because I thought it was so funny! Chuck, the hair stylist, gave the girls suckers to get them to sit still. As you can tell...it worked: Mackenzie post-haircut with a silly, sticky sucker face:
OK...here come the Christmas decorations. First, this is the landing (taken from the top of the staircase) - you can see the tree out the top window outside - these are only about 1/200th of my snowman collection - I have a ZILLION of them, but can't put most of them out thanks to certain little busy fingers:

The house lit up at night - it really needs more, but I guess it's OK for now:

The house during the day - there are wreaths on all of the windows and over the lights on the garage, but you can't see them all that well in the picture:

Entrance - bottom of stairway:

Entrance - top of stairway:

Our poor Christmas tree - still without its ornaments (well, except for the one in the center of the tree that Maddie likes - it plays peek-a-boo! HA!) The tree itself is actually FAR bigger than it looks in this picture:

So that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

I Did It!! The Christmas Tree is UP!!

I dreaded it...I hated the idea...I thought about not doing it at all...but it's DONE! That stinking 9 ft. HUGE Christmas tree is up and shining gloriously!

Phil brought most of it downstairs from the attic, and both of us worked for a few hours at getting it put together. It went a bit faster than I thought it would and didn't wear me out nearly as much as I thought it would.

We've only got the multi-colored lights and gold beads on it so far. I'm still debating on whether or not I want to put the ornaments on. Mackenzie is all hands these days, and she's making enough trouble trying to pull the beads off as it is. I guess I could put the ornaments far enough up the tree where she can't reach them, but that'll look pretty funny, huh? I might give it a try...Maddie has some new ornaments that she really wants to put on there.

After it's all done, I'll post pictures of the decorations and post them here. New house, new decorations...I'm getting a *little bit* excited now!

I'm STILL waiting on my stinking doctor's office to call me back regarding my appointment with the Specialist. It'll be a week tomorrow that I've been waiting for the date. Last time, it took them a whole week to call me back, but that's after I called them 15 times myself. Guess I'm going to have to get on the phone again today. I shouldn't HAVE TO!!!!!! Grrrrr... (I do a lot of Grrr..ing these days, don't I?)

Guess that's it for today...the temperature went from 70 yesterday back down to 45 today. Sheesh! I wish it would make up its mind. It's wreaking havoc on my allergies!! You know what they say about the weather in Kentucky....stick around and it'll change.

Limitations? What Limitations?

So here's the part where I complain about my long weekend. You knew it was coming! You know, I have to document all of this so that I can talk to my doc about it. Ehh...it's my journal...I can cry if I want to! (Ugh! Now I'll be singing that song all day...)

Thanksgiving Day, I woke up feeling pretty good, but then I started rushing to get dressed and get the girls dressed. I got a bit stressed and pretty overheated (literally), and next thing I know, I'm stiffer than a board! I make it to my family's OK, only I try to hide the fact that I can't move. I went to sit down at one of the tables, and the first thing my uncle says is, "Melissa, are you limping?" DRAT!!!! How am I supposed to answer that? "Well, Uncle Steve, I'm a bit stiff due to overexertion because I may be suffering from Multiple Sclerosis or some other Autoimmune Disease. Please do not ask me anymore questions." (No, I did not say that!) I simply said, "Uh...just not feeling very well today." Thankfully, he left it at that.

I got lots of other questions from other family members, too. Apparently, I wasn't doing a very good job at hiding how incredibly FRUSTRATED and EXHAUSTED that I was. And it seemed like the more I tried to hide things, the worse it got. I just could not walk - pure and simple!

Fast forward to yesterday...got up, got dressed (at a MUCH slower pace, thankfully), went to dinner, did fine, came back home, started digging out the rest of the Christmas decorations, helped Phil hang the lights, pulled out even more Christmas decorations, decided AGAINST putting the tree up last night, put the girls to bed, collapsed on the couch, immediately fell asleep, woke up to Phil shaking me telling me to go get in bed, threw up, went to bed.

Yes, I said that I threw up. Well, apparently I overextended myself a little too much yesterday. I felt fine all day, but once Phil woke me up to - well, go back to bed (haha!!), I suddenly felt as if I was so completely and utterly EXHAUSTED that my body could not even carry itself up the stairs. I somehow made it upstairs, threw up, and went to bed. At the time, I was thinking, OH GREAT, now I have a stomach bug on top of everything else. It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I feel completely fine (as far as my tummy is concerned) and that it was only complete EXHAUSTION that made me sick. Today I am horribly stiff still, but no more sickies...

The part that irritates me is that had this been 6 months ago, yesterday would have been a completely normal day for me as far as activity is concerned. Now I have ------- LIMITATIONS.

So now the tree looms over my head. Heck, it might take me two weeks to get our 9 foot Christmas tree up and decorated, but it WILL get done. *sigh*

RANT. OVER. (For now...)

Did YOU Eat Too Much Turkey?

Brrrr...it's cold!!!! It didn't waste any time getting cold either. Seems like it went from 60 degrees to 30 in one day's time. No fall hardly anymore...and that's my favorite time. Figures! (OK...I wrote this first part on Friday, and it's now Monday, and guess what...it's 70 DEGREES AGAIN!!??!! Geez!)

We didn't go mall shopping on Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year. We did, however, go to a Christmas Crafts show that we always go to. I didn't buy anything this year...the first time I've ever left empty-handed. Everything was WAY overpriced this year for some reason. Grrr...

Thanksgiving Day for us was pretty good - the deep-fried Turkey was absolutely THE BEST! Lots and lots of really good food - did I mention the cheese grits?!? Mmmmmm....Oh, and did I mention all of the desserts? Pumpkin pie, pumpkin rolls, banana pudding, cakes, apple pies.... Yes, I ate a lot. I admit it, and I'm proud of it, daggone it! Haha!

We had another Thanksgiving dinner yesterday at Phil's grandmother's house. That woman is 80-something years old, and she STILL makes enough food to feed a 100-man military unit all by herself! And oh my, can she cook! I didn't get to eat too much there, though, because I was too busy chasing after my dear children trying to make sure that they didn't break anything in Granny's house.

The girls had fun playing with their little cousins, though. All of the kids (6 total, including my girls) played outside in the leaves quite a bit, and they had SO much fun. Phil's cousin would rake up the leaves into a big pile, and the kids would jump right into the middle of them before he even finished. Then he started burying them under the leaves and they would jump out of them and scream and laugh. It took me back to my childhood, doing the same thing after a big Turkey dinner. I think I had just as much fun watching them as they did playing in them.

We put our outdoor Christmas decorations out Saturday and Sunday, too. We put icicle lights around the covered porch and over the garage. I put wreaths with red bows on all of the front windows and around the lights on the garage. Mom bought me two small lighted trees to put on either sides of my front door, and then we put a small lighted tree up on the landing inside of the house, which shows up in the big picture window in the front of the house. I'll have to post a picture of it. I'm fairly pleased with it. Getting it all done was another story, but this is the "happy" thread, so I'll save the complaining. HA!

Anyway, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Christmas tree goes up tonight...I think....

I Got a Referral to a Specialist!!!

I just got back from seeing my regular doctor. He is referring me to a PhD and MS Specialist at the University of Kentucky hospital. Dr. Kausaukis, the new Neurologist, has been in the MS field for many, many years and is really into the research end of it. I'm so hopeful at this point!

The only downfall about seeing him is that I will probably get stuck seeing some of his residents sometimes since he is in a teaching practice at a teaching hospital. That is OK with me, though. The way I see it, the more eyes looking at what's going on with me, the better the chance to figure out what is going on.

Anyway, I asked Dr. Hutchinson if I had been tested through my bloodwork for things like Diabetes, Lupus, etc. He said that I was tested for those things and that it all came back normal. So those are a few things we can check off of our list.

I also asked him about my Epstein Barr Virus - if that played into the equation any. He acknowledged that there is a connection of some form between MS and EBV, but he said that my EBV alone would not cause symptoms like the ones that I have at this time.

The only thing that angered me about my conversation with Dr. Hutchinson today was that he mentioned that Dr. Cooper, the old Neurologist, was his "good friend" and that he was "very smart." Indeed, that may be true, but it angers me that Dr. Hutchinson didn't take my symptoms seriously enough to begin with that he just threw me in with his good buddy rather than taking into consideration what I needed at that point. It could have saved me a lot of time and emotional outbursts...

Oh well...I'm just waiting for the call back now to see when my appointment will be. Dr. Hutchinson's office will be calling to make me an appointment. Let the fun begin...again.

I Can't Believe I Forgot!

Phil and I got a brand new, very awesome laptop computer for Christmas!!! One of the ladies that I work for who is like a family member to me, Mrs. Madden, actually bought it for us for Christmas. I'm so excited!!

It's an HP Pavillion with a 17" screen and all of the bells and whistles. It's even got a DVR (Digital Video Recorder) on it where we can hook it up to the TV and record shows! I'm SO in awe of it. We also got a wireless hub so that I can sit on the couch with it at night and surf the web...er...I mean, work. Haha!

Actually, it makes it OH SO much nicer because whenever I have work to do, the girls are constantly in the office under foot (literally - under the desk), and I hate to tell them to leave me alone because they already hadn't seen me all day long. Now, if I can keep them from tearing it up...how in the world do I go about keeping them completely away from it.

Anyway, I'm still feeling pretty weak and tired today...blah, blah, blah, blah. I know you all are probably tired of hearing me...I am tired of hearing me! Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Hutchinson. I'm going to *attempt* to be organized and go in there armed with as much information as I can. We'll see how far that gets me...

That's about it for today. I'm taking dinner tonight to my friend who had a hysterectomy a few weeks ago. She had a really bad setback last week...she had a blood clot form in her incision and was hospitalized for a few days again while they tried to break it up. It was really scary...especially since she had called her doctor's office and they told her that there didn't sound like there was a problem and she should just let it heal! Luckily that nurse just happened to mention it to another doctor in passing, and he said to CALL HER BACK AND GET HER INTO THE HOSPITAL QUICK! Thank goodness for small miracles, huh?

I guess that's all I have to report for now. I'll write up a recap of my appointment tomorrow.

Also, I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has called, sent messages and cards, etc. None of it has gone unnoticed, believe me, and it is ever so greatly appreciated! I'm so blessed with wonderful family and friends!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

We took Maddie and Mackenzie to the mall yesterday and had their pictures made at the Picture People and with Santa. It went pretty well, except that Mackenzie (aka, the WILD one) had no interest whatsoever in sitting still to have her picture made. She was EVERYWHERE, and half the time she would not smile - just did that crazy scrunched up nose face. When Mackenzie would smile, Maddie wouldn't. Anyhow, these are a few of my favorites from the session:

My favorite - in their "dress-up" clothes:

Another cute one where they're both actually smiling:

My favorite picture of Maddie by herself (couldn't get any with just Mackenzie - she ran around too much!):

The Christmas picture that will go on the Christmas cards:

And finally - the Santa picture:

So there we have it...*sigh*...I'm SO glad that's over with!

All Good Things Must Come to an End

I should really learn my lesson. Every time I say that I feel good, something else comes along and blindsides me!

Yesterday (Sunday), me, Phil, and my Mom and Dad took the girls to the mall to have their pictures done. I rode in the back of my Mom's van (a Mazda MPV minivan) to the mall. I sat like you're supposed to sit in a car - not with my legs up under me or anything like that. When we got there, everyone else had already gotten out of the car. When I got out, I kind of hopped out of the side door (like I do all of the time - geez...it's only like 1-2 feet off of the ground!), and when I landed, my legs completely gave out and went to mush. I would have fallen on the ground had I not grabbed hold of the door! It was EXTREMELY scary - I didn't have any control over my legs!!

Anyway, I couldn't walk for a minute or two at all, but then I finally got my legs to move. My knees were SO shaky, like they couldn't hold the rest of my body up, and my thighs felt like Jello. My lower legs, however, seemed to be fine. I walked pushing the stroller for support, and that helped me to get my legs moving since they felt like they were trying to permanently attached themselves in place. As I walked, the shakiness in my knees started to subside, but my upper legs became SO incredibly stiff that I still had to drag my legs to walk. I don't even know how to explain it here because I've NEVER experienced anything like it in my entire life. I guess I could say that my legs felt like they do when you're doing leg lifts on an exercise machine where you're sitting and then you push the weights with your lower legs upward...you know the feeling you get in your upper leg muscles? It's not pain at all, but a tight feeling. I guess this is what would be considered Spasticity???

This was enough to scare me to death. I hated it that Mom and Dad were there, too, because I think they are worried enough as it is. I don't want ANYONE to worry about me. The only thing they should worry about is me not getting diagnosed anytime soon...if I could get my diagnosis of whatever, I could begin drug therapy and have a chance to get back to normal for a long time.

One funny thing, though....I got really upset when this happened (as you can imagine) and started to cry. Well, I didn't want the girls to get upset by seeing me upset, so I immediately excused myself to the bathroom when we got into the mall. Well, when it was time to leave, and we got back to the door to go back out to the car, and Maddie stops and says, "Mommy, do you have to go potty again?" LOL! Ahhh...the innocence of children!

The next few weeks and months are going to be VERY interesting. This event yesterday was enough to make me know 100% without a doubt that there is something going on, and it HAS to be taken care of. I cannot stop for one minute in pursuing a diagnosis. I HAVE to and WILL find a doctor that will help me.

It's Too Stinking Cold!!!

What a horrible, freezing cold day it is!!! Brrrr..... When I left this morning, it was 25 degrees - now it's 36 degrees. So much for Fall, huh?

So this day isn't exactly going wonderfully. I have had a slow leak in my rear passenger-side tire for a couple of days, so Phil and I took my car to get the tire patched. Well, OF COURSE, there is a nail in the side wall of the tire...ie, they can't fix it. New tire, balance and rotation costs $130. That's $130 that I need to be putting on my Christmas layaway!!!!! *sigh* Don't you hate it when life happens??

In better news....my symptoms seem to be remitting ever so slightly. I actually had a tad bit of energy last night, which was a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I'm so glad to be feeling a bit better, but at the same time, I hope that the new doctor is still able to gauge what's going on with me even though there seems to be a bit of a remission period going on. Surely he can...

I'm contacting Dr. Cooper's office to have them send copies of my test results and my MRI scans to me so that I can have them for future consultations. Hopefully, they won't give me much slack about that (they'd better not!).

We're getting the girls' pictures made on Sunday. I can't wait. This will be the first time since LAST Christmas that I've had them done. I'm such a lackluster Mom! Anyway, we're going to the Picture People...we got a new store in Fayette Mall, and I'm very excited about it. They are going to have a few shots done in their Christmas sweaters, and then we're going to have some shots done in their dress up outfits. I'll be sure to post the pictures here when I get them back.

I took food last night the family at church whose husband/father is dying. I was shocked at how badly he looked when it wasn't all that long ago that I saw him looking strong and healthy. He has a very rare blood clotting disorder that the doctors cannot do anything about. His body just keeps producing blood clots in his lungs, legs, etc., and there is no way to stop it. They've onl y given him a couple of months to live. So sad. While I was there, Teresa, his wife, kept asking about my medical problems. I felt SO horrible sitting there talking about the things I've been going through when this man is laying in a bed dying. It was very surreal. I really didn't want to talk about it, but she just kept asking and asking. *sigh* I just pray for them daily...it must be so hard to just sit around and wait for your loved one to die.

Better run for now...

I'm Back on the Saddle Again...

Well, I made an appointment with Dr. Hutchinson (my General Practitioner). I figure I'll give him a whirl again...see if he's serious about getting me fixed or not.

I'm going to ask him to go over everything with me - my bloodwork from him and the Neurologist, the MRI scans, the Nerve Study results - and then I'm going to ask him politely to refer me to a MS/Autoimmune Disorder Specialist. I'm going to go through all of my symptoms from day 1 with him. I'm going to tell him everything that Dr. Cooper (aka, the fruitcake) told me. I'm going to tell him about the research that I've done on my own. And I'm going to tell him that I am not going to give up until this is figured out and either I am doing drug therapy or some other kind of therapy.

Mainly, I'm curious to see if a Specialist will find anything on my MRI scans. I've been told by numerous MS people that I've been in contact with that their first Neurologist (a NON-specialist) found nothing on the MRI, and then a second Neurologist (a specialist) found lesions on the SAME MRI scans that the first doctor looked at! Wow!

Anyway, I'm once again hopeful that I can get somewhere with this. I don't *think* that Dr. Hutchinson will give me any trouble about referring me to someone else, but there is a little piece of me that's nervous about it. Don't know why...

In other news...Maddie did WONDERFULLY at dance class yesterday. She was the first person in and the last one out! I think the difference was that Nana went along with us, so she had something to prove. Heehee! Guess we'll have to talk Nana into going EVERY week! HA!

Oh, did I mention the Christmas layaway?? Oh, we went SO incredibly overboard this year on the girls after promising that we would not! We're talking $450 between the two of them. EEK! They'll be having a good Christmas this year, I think.

Better end this now...I was just told by someone that the back passenger side tire on my car looks flat (again!). UGH! The story of my life!!!

*Sigh* This Might Be Long...

Well, I tried. My heart is broken and my head is cluttered. I'm at a complete and utter sense of loss.

I went to my Neurologist yesterday to have my Nerve Conduction Studies done. The test itself was not as bad as I expected it to be, which is a good thing. However, at the end when Dr. Cooper said that everything looked good, he finished by saying, "There's nothing else that I can do for you. Your problems are probably caused by stress, and you should see your General Practitioner with any further complaints."

OK...I knew that the result of the Nerve Studies would not do good because they are done only to check for pinched or damaged nerves and muscle problems. I KNOW that those things are NOT my problem, so the test almost seemed like a waste of time anyway. But the man did TWO TESTS!!! An MRI and Nerve Conduction Studies - TWO TESTS - and then he sent me on my way!!!! I am just at a complete loss. I couldn't even defend myself and my symptoms to him because I was so shocked and confused.

Before sending me on my way, I had even told him about not being able to use my left hand for 3 days last week, I had told him about the flashing sensations in my left peripheral vision, I had told him about how the numbness is my right foot is still there and has spread to two of my toes. There were *AT LEAST* 5 other tests he could have done...and he sent me on my way...I don't get it.

I suppose my next plan of action is to go ahead and see Dr. Hutchinson again, tell him about everything that's went on (including this newest set of symptoms), and see what he suggests from here. I'm hoping that he'll refer me to a Neurologist that SPECIALIZES in MS or nerve disorders. See, Dr. Cooper's expertise was in Stroke and Dementia, plus he was the ripest apple on the tree (ie., YOUNG!). I'm convinced that he has not a clue as to what he is looking for. How can extreme muscle weakness, numbness, eye problems, etc., be due to STRESS when I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN NEARLY AS STRESSED IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS AS I HAVE BEEN OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS!!!!???!!! How does that work, I beg?

I'm just so disgusted! I mean, I knew that it might take awhile to get an answer to my problems, and it might even be a problem that we haven't considered yet, but the point is that there IS a problem. It's NOT in my head, and it's NOT stress! I deal with these things on a daily basis...it's real! I don't care WHAT it is...I just need to be treated for whatever it is so that I can get back to living as much of a normal life as possible, taking care of my kids and being a wife to my husband.

So yesterday was mine and Phil's 7th wedding anniversary. We went away over the weekend, which was a wonderful, relaxing getaway. Of course, all of this happens yesterday. I was so upset over everything that Phil asked his boss if he could leave because he felt like he needed to be home with me. This is the man that NEVER asks for a day off and even goes to work sick most of the time. And he took off to help me get through the rest of my day...how great is that!?! I have a good hubby...

But alas...I will survive. And I will persevere...I will find out what is wrong with me, and I will be treated for it. I will get back to living a normal life, and I will be a good mother for my babies and a good wife for my husband.

It just might take a little longer than I had hoped...

Home With my Girls Today...

Maddie, Mackenzie and I have had a great day together. We normally go out to eat and shopping with my Mom on Fridays, but she had to take my Grandmother to the doctor today (she has a spider bite on her leg - EEK!). So me and the girls went out to lunch, and then we came home and went for a walk.

It's a beautiful day outside today...sunny, 65 degrees, slight breeze...so it was nice to get outside for a bit. I didn't walk too far today in anticipation of feeling down and out afterward. I do feel that way now - a little weak - but not too awfully bad. I really need to be able to keep on exercising. I'm gaining a TON of weight right now...BLEH! I'm going to keep on trying to walk or do aerobics or something like that not only for my weight, but also because I want to be able to keep my general strength up as much as possible.

Anyway, this weekend holds lots of excitement for us. Tomorrow, Mom and I are hitting grand 'ol downtown Versailles for the annual Christmas Open House. Pretty much every business downtown has Christmas specials, refreshments, entertainment, etc., and it's just a really fun thing to go to in order to get into the Christmas spirit. Even though we have a little dinky town here, it's fun anyway...

Tomorrow night, Mom is staying at our house overnight with the girls while Phil and I get away for our 7th wedding anniversary. We just go to Lexington and stay a night at the Sheraton Suites, but it's a good time. They have these HUGE jacuzzi tubs in every room, so that's really nice, and then we order room service and watch a movie or two...just to be able to relax in a peaceful and quiet environment unlike the raucousness of our house! What would I actually do with SERENITY!?! Oh...did I mention the FREE MASSIVE BUFFET BREAKFAST that they have the next morning??? YUM!

Sunday will be a day of rest...and then MONDAY...*sigh* Don't even want to think about it right now.

Oh well...happy weekend to everyone!

Blessings...

Short Post Today...

This will be short...my left hand isn't working well making it difficult to type much. :( So frustrating! I don't know if it's all of the running around that's causing me to get worse again, but all I know is that I'm dragging right now...seeing spots in front of my eyes...etc. I'm really disturbed about my hand right now, though. I just about dropped a bunch of food earlier because I could barely grasp onto the plate. *sigh*

Yesterday, I played nurse...today it's been personal shopper. Mrs. Madden was needing some pants with big legs to fit over her cast, so I got to go to Kohl's and a few other places to find her some. I don't mind being a shopper...HA! After all, it's what I do best! :)

Started some Christmas shopping for the girls...got lots more to do...can't really type anymore, so I guess I'll end it here.

Why Does Everything Have to be SOOO Difficult!?!

I'm having a rather frustrating day, if you couldn't tell by the title.

I wrote yesterday about serving others, and that's exactly what I need to do; however, it seems like it's going to extremes today.

• Mrs. Madden is a wonderful lady whom I've worked with for 5 years now. I work with her Monday thru Thursday keeping her books and keeping up with all of her business transactions. Well, she broke her leg on Sunday, and all week long, I've played nurse instead of Accountant. I don't mind playing nurse at all - I feel HORRIBLE for her, only I'm officially changing my name! If I hear my name called one more time, I'm gonna lose it for sure.
• Ms. Fletcher (Mrs. Madden's mother) has come down with a cold or something of that nature...guess who gets to take her to the doctor today? That's right - ME! Again, don't mind doing it, but between playing nurse and driving to dr's offices...AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
• Ruth, our former neighbor, had a hysterectomy on Monday, and I had made a promise to bring them dinner tonight. I'll be doing that AFTER I take Ms. Fletcher to the doctor and AFTER I take Maddie to dance class.

I don't mind to do these things...I really don't. Only, I feel like CRAP, myself, today. Please pardon my "whoa is me" moment, but sometimes I just feel like I get myself into too much KNOWING that I really don't feel up to doing it all. It's no one's fault but my own. Right? ; )

Everything just seems so up in the air right now...I don't know why and can't really explain it. I'm frustrated for the known and I'm frustrated for the unknown. I'm frustrated for the actualities and I'm frustrated for the probabilities. I just want to be back to "normal" again...

Good Mood Day!!

Hi! I am actually having a *GOOD* day today!!! Could it be that my symptoms are lessening in severity? For the last 2 days, I have felt a bit more energetic and not nearly as symptomatic as I have been. I'm hoping that this might be the end of this attack.

I've been in touch with a few different people recently, one who suffers from MS, one who is in the diagnosis stage like me, and one who suffers from Demyelinating Disease. They have been such a HUGE help in answering all of my questions. More importantly, they have helped me relax a little bit about my Nerve Conduction Studies coming up on Monday. They have assured me that it goes pretty quickly and that it's only mildly uncomfortable. They have also told me that this test can be very telling, so I guess I'm looking forward to getting it done (and over with). I'm still bummed that it happens to fall on my anniversary, but oh well...

In all of this, I feel so loved and cared for. My family and friends have been so wonderful in checking in on me, leaving me messages...my church family has been SO wonderful...so many phone calls, e-mail, etc., just from people checking on how I am doing. It warms my heart.

There's a lady at our church who is over delegating duties for making dinners for sick people, and she had called me to make dinner for a family whose Husband/Father is dying. Later on, she found out through my pastor what I was going through, and she immediately called me back and told me NOT to do the dinner, that she would get someone else to do it. She apologized profusely for even asking me to do it. I insisted that I WANTED to do it...that I wasn't that bad off, and that these people are my friends. I told her that I would take dinner to them on the 17th, so she went ahead and put me down for that date. I had a really nice conversation with her.

Well...apparently, this lady told our pastor about our conversation, and I became one of the subjects of our pastor's sermon on Sunday. (That's a first - HAHA!!!) We were up really late with our friends who visited on Saturday night, so we didn't go to church on Sunday (I know...bad!), so I didn't hear it myself. A friend of ours who goes to our church (and who is also a good friend of my Mom's) called Mom yesterday morning to see if I was doing OK and if I needed any help. My Mom told her that I was OK and as a matter of fact, I was getting around just fine. She went on to tell the friend that I had even volunteered to cook another family dinner at our church...that's how well I was doing. The friend said, "Oh, that's who Marcus (our pastor) was talking about during his sermon yesterday, then!"

She went on to tell my Mom that the sermon was about service in the church, and Marcus had told everyone about a member of the church who was going through a lot of trials herself but still insisted on making dinner for another family in the church who was suffering as well. He told the congregation, "That's what service is all about." :)

I feel both embarrassed and honored at the same time! To me, it's nothing. I'm just carrying on with my normal, every day life as best as I can (besides eating dinner out a lot more than normal - LOL!), and I feel that it's my duty to serve others always. Period. End of sentence. It is nice to know that there are people who really do care about the way I'm feeling, though...any normal person would do the same.

OK...my thoughts are getting jumbled (as usual), so I guess I'll end this here... Blessings to everyone reading this!

It's Monday...bleh!

It's been an interesting few days...

We had a very good and fun weekend. On Saturday night, we had some good friends over - Johnie, Angie, Rachel and Chris. Chris was nice enough to bring pork chops over to cook on our grill (along with the fixin's)...he made Caribbean pork chops, roasted potatoes and grilled corn on the cob. How nice is it when someone else cooks at your house!?! Anyway, we all had a good time laughing and catching up.

It's so funny because Angie, Rachel and myself all graduated high school together, but we had not seen each other since high school until recently. Johnie used to be married to my cousin many years ago (divorced for about 8 years now), but now he is engaged to Angie. Chris and Rachel have dated off and on for a few years. Phil, Johnie and Chris have all been good friends for many years and went to school together. (Is this confusing or what?) Basically, us three girls were friends in school, and those three guys have been friends for years, and now we're all married/engaged/dating! Well...you know what I mean! : )

So about 30 minutes before everyone showed up at our house, Mackenzie decided to *FINALLY* start walking!!!! Phil, Maddie and I were all sitting in the living room while I was fixing Maddie's hair, and Mackenzie just turned around and took off walking across the floor. It was so cute...she was just flailing her arms and smiling from ear to ear while she was going. She knew that she was doing something big! So now, of course, she only wants to be down walking everywhere...let the fun begin!

In "symptom" news...things have seemed to ease up a little bit. We walked around the mall yesterday for awhile, and I only had to stop to sit down one time. I figured I would be sitting every 10 minutes, so I was pleased by that! I have noticed that my depth perception is getting kind of bad...I keep pouring the milk onto the counter instead of the sippie cup whenever I'm trying to get milk for the girls. Gads! What next!?!

I Feel a Bit Better Today!

Well, let's see...I woke up this morning, and the first thing Maddie says to me is, "We're best friends!" followed by a big hug! She is sweet sometimes after all!

Mackenzie, on the other hand, has been her usual self this morning...into EVERYTHING. I've already taken her off of the stairs 3 different times after SHE moved the baby gate, I've taken her away from the toilet in the half bath with her hand swishing around in it (yes, I washed her hands quickly), I've fished a sticker out of her mouth, and then she put something else in her mouth and I tried to fish THAT out. Turns out it was part of the donut I had given her...she found it on the floor...I just let her eat it. *sigh*

Otherwise, though, I feel pretty daggone good today! Last night, I filled the bathtub up with warm (not hot) water and turned the whirlpool jets on. I just sat there forever...it was so nice and peaceful. Then Phil rubbed my arms and legs and back for me. So between those two things, I don't feel *nearly* as stiff today as I have for the last week or so. Guess I'll be taking more baths.... ;)

The only strange thing that's happened is that last night while taking a bath, I kept getting this flashing sensation in the peripheral of my left eye. It was really strange. At first, I thought that it might be the light in the toilet closet flickering, but as I looked directly at the light, I realized that it wasn't flickering at all. I went back to staring at the wall of the tub again as I had been doing, and I got that same flickering in the same place again. I realized it was my vision doing that. It only lasted for about 5 minutes or so, then it went away and has been fine since...I don't know...

(Gosh, I couldn't let this post be finished without complaining SOMEhow! Haha!)

Today, I'm home with the girls (if you couldn't gather that from my first few paragraphs), so we are about to head out with my Mom for a bit of pre-Christmas shopping (read as "window shopping"). I can't believe that Christmas is in 51 days!!!!!

It's a Beautiful Day!!!

Sunny, warm...perfect day today! I love Fall!!

I've continued on with my research on the Epstein Barr/MS connection, along with Tammy on MS Moms, and the results have been overwhelming. In article after article after article that we've found, every study seems to suggest that virtually EVERY person with MS also has elevated EBV levels. This is just an amazing finding to me! I would have NEVER thought that my EBV diagnosis could even *possibly* play into what's going on with me now.

A bit of background of my Chronic EBV diagnosis:

As a child, I had Strep Throat about every other month on average for about a year's time (maybe a little longer). I remember missing a lot of school and always having to go the Pediatrician's office and have that crummy long Q-Tip-like thing stuck down my throat to get a culture. Sure enough, every single time, it would come back positive for Strep.

Fast forward to age 23...just married...feeling OH so tired and just plain EXHAUSTED all of the time. I went to see Dr. Hutchinson, and at that time I actually wondered if I had Mono because of the symptoms I was having. He did blood work, and it all came back fine except for elevated EBV levels. He said that I did not have Mono because my blood work showed that I had ALREADY had Mono previously. I told him that I had never been diagnosed with it, and he said that my blood work showed otherwise.

He also looked at my tonsils and told me that I did not have any. I have NEVER had my tonsils removed. Well, this is pretty gross, but apparently what happened was that I had Strep throat so many times that my tonsils were just kind of ate away each time to where I don't even have any anymore!

Fast forward one more year...still feeling the exact same way. I went back to Dr. Hutchinson, he did more blood work, and got the EXACT same results. Clear blood work except for elevated EBV levels. He said that since my levels did not change any over time, that it is considered that I have EBV chronically, and thus my "illness" had a name and a medical reason.

Still, though, after having received this diagnosis, I always felt that he was just trying to give me something to call it just to satisfy me or something. I would have never dreamed in a million years that it could actually cause the problems that it *appears* that it has caused!

Details developing....

Anyway, Maddie had a REALLY bad day at dance class yesterday. She's been going to dance now for, what, 2-3 months, and she's always done wonderfully. Last night, we get to the studio, and she was fine except that she asked me to walk her into her class, which she doesn't normally do. So I took her in, and when I turned to leave, she went NUTS!!!! She started screaming and crying and pulling my sweater. I took her outside to try to calm her down, and then Mrs. Jane even let me sit in there with her for a bit, and she would never get out there with the other girls. She just kept screaming and throwing a fit. I told her that we could leave but that she would have to stay on the couch for the rest of the evening, and she said OK...so on the couch, she sat. Still don't know what all of that was about...she loves dance class!

I'll leave this post with a new Maddie-ism...she's been having chapped lips, so I've been putting Vaseline on them to make them feel better. Well, this morning, she gets up and the first thing she says to me is, "Mommy, I need some of that make-up. My lips are chomping me again."

Heeheeheeheee!!!!

Oh my, oh my, oh my!

I feel like I just got knocked in the stomach. I had posted my story and some questions over on the MS Moms website...they have an area for Undiagnosed people on the site. Anyway, I received a reply from a fellow undiagnosed lady named Tammy who said that she was awaiting a Spinal Tap for diagnosis, but that in the meantime she had been diagnosed with Chronic Epstein Barr Virus.

OK...if you read my very first introductory post on this blog, you would have read that I was diagnosed with Chronic Epstein Barr Virus about 7 years ago. Like I said before, I always thought this was a bogus diagnosis even though my bloodwork has consistently showed elevated cells that are associated with it.

Well, Tammy suggested that there might be a correlation between CEBV and MS and that she was trying to do some research on it. That, of course, peaked my interest (and got my attention), so I went to good old Ask Jeeves and typed in "Is there a link between Chronic Epstein Barr Virus and Multiple Sclerosis?" It immediately brought up many articles...this one being the most interesting and easy to read from Harvard from 2003.

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/press/releases/press03252003.html

If you don't have time to read the article, it basically says that there is, indeed, a direct correlation between the two, and the higher your EBV antibodies are, the higher your risk of MS.

I'm glad to be armed with this information. I did not ever mention my CEBV diagnosis to my Neurologist, but I will do so at my next appt. on the 14th. Maybe that will help him to decide on a course of action.

This could lead to a brick wall, but I'm glad that I feel a little more armed in approaching this...

Daily Ramblings for Wednesday...

Oh wow, am I ever EXHAUSTED!!! I'm still trying to recover from Trick or Treating on Monday night. Yesterday afternoon, by the time I got home, I was so dreary and run down that I even bypassed dinner at Mom and Dad's (something I don't normally do since Mom is a much better cook than I am!). All I wanted to do was crash. Phil had band practice last night, so that left me at home with the girls all night by myself, but it turned out OK. Thank goodness that Maddie is the big help that she is!

Something strange happened last night that had not happened at all before. I woke up during the night, and my LEFT foot felt very strange...almost like it was throbbing, but it really wasn't throbbing...just kind of achy feeling. My right foot is normally the one that I have trouble with (being numb), but this time it was my left foot, although the big toe on my right foot felt the same way. Very strange! I wonder if it's connected with everything else that's been going on.

In other news, Mackenzie apparently is cutting lots and lots of teeth. She's been crying and crying and crying and crying lately. God bless her...I love her more than anything, but she's really trying my patience these days. It's difficult to deal with her whining and clinginess when I feel like doing the same thing myself...know what I mean? But this, too, shall pass...hopefully soon.

So what else can I complain about today?? : )

How about something nice...I LOVE FALL!!!!! I'm sitting here looking out the window at some of the most beautiful colored trees I think I have ever seen! You just have to see this...

Is that just gorgeous or what??!!?? It's little things like this that make me stop and thank God for the blessings in my life (even the little ones like this).

My prayers for today:

My health
Phil in his quest to find a path for his career
Maddie and Mackenzie for their health and happiness
Thanks for my wonderful family and friends
My church's Capital campaign
Safe pregnancies for my pregnant buddies
The easement of pain for my Endo buddies, and especially for Rhonda

I Can't Believe It's November Already!!!!

Time flies when you're having fun, huh? I am in such denial that 2005 is almost over and Christmas is directly around the corner (only 55 more days for your procrastinators out there).

Yesterday was a very busy day. We took the girls Trick or Treating, and they had a lot of fun, although I am about to die today from walking around the neighborhood and carrying Mackenzie around. (OUCH!) Lord knows if I had a brain, I would have put her in her stroller...wouldn't that have made a bit more sense?? But...no brain here! Out to lunch - permanently!

OK...so let me try to post some pictures here...

This is Maddie the beautiful Princess Bride!


And this is Mackenzie the screaming butterfly....she cried virtually all night because her teeth were hurting her...


Maddie got lots of candy and was under the impression that she got to eat all of it for breakfast this morning. Boy, was she disappointed!

So that's life in a nutshell today, I guess...

My prayers for today:
Continued prayers that the Neurologist might figure me out
For my buddies who want a baby to be able to hold one of their own in their arms very soon
For safety and well-being of my family and friends
Continued pain-free wishes for my Endo buddies