*Sigh* This Might Be Long...

Well, I tried. My heart is broken and my head is cluttered. I'm at a complete and utter sense of loss.

I went to my Neurologist yesterday to have my Nerve Conduction Studies done. The test itself was not as bad as I expected it to be, which is a good thing. However, at the end when Dr. Cooper said that everything looked good, he finished by saying, "There's nothing else that I can do for you. Your problems are probably caused by stress, and you should see your General Practitioner with any further complaints."

OK...I knew that the result of the Nerve Studies would not do good because they are done only to check for pinched or damaged nerves and muscle problems. I KNOW that those things are NOT my problem, so the test almost seemed like a waste of time anyway. But the man did TWO TESTS!!! An MRI and Nerve Conduction Studies - TWO TESTS - and then he sent me on my way!!!! I am just at a complete loss. I couldn't even defend myself and my symptoms to him because I was so shocked and confused.

Before sending me on my way, I had even told him about not being able to use my left hand for 3 days last week, I had told him about the flashing sensations in my left peripheral vision, I had told him about how the numbness is my right foot is still there and has spread to two of my toes. There were *AT LEAST* 5 other tests he could have done...and he sent me on my way...I don't get it.

I suppose my next plan of action is to go ahead and see Dr. Hutchinson again, tell him about everything that's went on (including this newest set of symptoms), and see what he suggests from here. I'm hoping that he'll refer me to a Neurologist that SPECIALIZES in MS or nerve disorders. See, Dr. Cooper's expertise was in Stroke and Dementia, plus he was the ripest apple on the tree (ie., YOUNG!). I'm convinced that he has not a clue as to what he is looking for. How can extreme muscle weakness, numbness, eye problems, etc., be due to STRESS when I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN NEARLY AS STRESSED IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS AS I HAVE BEEN OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS!!!!???!!! How does that work, I beg?

I'm just so disgusted! I mean, I knew that it might take awhile to get an answer to my problems, and it might even be a problem that we haven't considered yet, but the point is that there IS a problem. It's NOT in my head, and it's NOT stress! I deal with these things on a daily basis...it's real! I don't care WHAT it is...I just need to be treated for whatever it is so that I can get back to living as much of a normal life as possible, taking care of my kids and being a wife to my husband.

So yesterday was mine and Phil's 7th wedding anniversary. We went away over the weekend, which was a wonderful, relaxing getaway. Of course, all of this happens yesterday. I was so upset over everything that Phil asked his boss if he could leave because he felt like he needed to be home with me. This is the man that NEVER asks for a day off and even goes to work sick most of the time. And he took off to help me get through the rest of my day...how great is that!?! I have a good hubby...

But alas...I will survive. And I will persevere...I will find out what is wrong with me, and I will be treated for it. I will get back to living a normal life, and I will be a good mother for my babies and a good wife for my husband.

It just might take a little longer than I had hoped...