Who am I now?

I've been wondering what's going on with me for awhile. Not just the physical junk that clouds everything - most days, but this mental, emotional junk.

I haven't talked to anyone about this before, and frankly, I'm not sure what's going on. I've always considered myself to be a very happy, content person, and I still am. I trust in God, love Him with all of my heart, and believe in His divine plan for my life.

But lately, I've just not felt quite right. I am so easy to anger these days...I'm crabby and easily irritated. I find myself screaming at traffic in my car...as if they can really hear me. I find myself getting aggravated over the silliest little things that my girls or husband might do. Just nonsense!

This is NOT me.

There have been a lot of stresses around me lately - death and sickness in our families, the uncertaintly of my condition, the stress of Phil not having a job, the fact that I have so much to do and so little time in which to do it. It's just all caving in around me right now.

All I can do is pray that God will surround me with His awesome love and mercy - that He will help me to be calm in the most dire situations and in the most simple situations. I cannot use excuses such as being sick or tired or whatever...I just cannot. The bottom line is that I, and I alone, carry the ability to CHOOSE to be happy or not. I have to remind myself of this daily.

I LOVE my life, and I would not change even one tiny bit of it (except that maybe I'd give myself the ability to hire another person to help me - LOL!). I adore my children and husband, I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family, I have a great business with great clients who excuse my wackiness and forgetfulness, I have friends who are just out of this world, I have a lovely home, food on my table and clothes on my back. I have NO REASON at all to be feeling the way that I do.

I just have to choose to be happy...and that's all.